i'm having trouble grasping this. i was so invested in the company. work didn't leave me when i went home; i was always thinking of things to make it better, the problems that i saw, what i could do to fix it, what was on my plate for the next day. for awhile, i felt like i was watching a train wreck. now, i feel somewhat lucky, like i got on one of the first rescue boats on the Titanic.
i'm just confused. i feel like instead of keeping the good people they kept the good positions. i know that my position wasn't really necessary, but i do think that i could have done a great job in any other area and i do think they were stupid to let me go. i would have been in it for the long haul. i worked hard; i was ready to sell as many cameras as i could today. as much as i wanted to quit, i wouldn't have because i'm too stubborn. i probably would have been around for the next startup too. meanwhile, the people who stayed have plans to move away within a year and aren't really interested in the future of the company.
it's just weird. a few weeks ago, people were talking about how the hard workers will stay and others will leave by various means. they told me i was a hard worker and that they noticed all the work i did. but today i sat in a room with 4 other hard workers as we were told we no longer had jobs. i honestly felt like i was on american idol in the room that doesn't go forward. everyone else was in the you made it! room. people used to say that they were going to do a bunch of startups and that they just need a good team. i said i would do it. maybe i don't want to be involved if the team they chose today is the team.
it's surreal. but whatever, it's their loss.
but really, it's retarded.
[this was written in a state of anger, and a lot of these thoughts were transient]
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