Some might call this the athlete grieving process. I call it bitterness.

They say that athletes go through a grieving process in the face of injuries or things that sideline them from racing for extensive periods of time. Initially, I did not have this feeling. At the time I got injured, I was so burnt out from being a bike racer all the time, through work and training, that I didn't miss it at all. Watching races didn't give me that ache in my heart, that oh how I would die to be out there feeling. I didn't really miss it at all until August.

Now that the season is over and I am finally crawling my way back from the depths of hell, I am feeling that sting. I am feeling bitter. Bitter about the way things turned out. Bitter for not paying closer to attention and standing up for myself when I knew I was right. Just straight up bitter.

I am in a much better place right now. I am healthy, riding, running, and swimming. I am getting strong again. I have more clients, 2 new part time jobs, and some other ongoing projects. I can still be a bike racer and help other people become bike racers, but I don't have to be just a bike racer. Things are looking up, but I am still bitter. Bitter about what was lost, bitter about how I was going so good and I blew it.

I think that this bitterness is a good sign, though. My competitive spirit has been rekindled, and bitterness is part of the process as I claw my way back to the peloton. It should have happened months ago.

As everyone else takes a break, I am trying to reassemble the pieces. I am plotting my new plan of attack to ensure that this does not happen again. I am certain that this bitterness will soon turn into pure motivation. And hopefully speed.

Personal Training Interviews are like Video Games

First, there is the certification process. Let's call this level 1. Here, you have to pay a bunch of money to take a test that confirms all you have learned in college. If you take the better test, the CSCS one, it is like getting a cheat code and it makes the rest of the process a lot easier.

Level 2 is the initial interview. Here they ask you really basic questions like what would you do if your client has high blood pressure? or what kind of program would you prescribe for a 40 year old woman? Pretty simple. I said level 1 had a cheat because it is really easy to get an interview if you have the CSCS and a degree in the field and a small amount of experience.

Level 3 is preparing for the second interview. Oh, surprise! We didn't mention this at the first one, but yep, there is a second. You said you knew how to take blood pressure and do body fat testing, so we will have you do that plus an hour personal training session. Since you haven't done this stuff in 3 years, you worry and write some notes down from your textbook hoping the SWAG equation works (scientific wild ass guess).

Level 4 is the moments prior to the interview where you scramble around the facility trying to figure out where everything is.

Level 5 is the initial consultation. Here you may do a few things wrong like do the body fat testing before the blood pressure. You are relieved when your knowledge doesn't fail you and you successfully complete the tasks. You also ask a lot of questions.

Level 6 is the actual training session. Here you wonder if they will throw tricks at you like make the person fall down or get hurt. Luckily, they don't do this, and you progress through the level without too much difficulty except that the actual program doesn't take as long as you thought it would so you spend some time stretching at the end.

Level 7 is the feedback. The person who observed you says what you did right and what you did wrong.

If you did it right, they might say something like "we want to bring you on board" and you feel like you have reached the end of a video game which cues the happy music starts and the 1 minute montage of the video game character grabbing the golden key on top of the castle.

Changing Changes

I guess it has been awhile since I have last updated.

Here is the skinny:

-The injury saga continues. Last week, my physical therapy session involved a conference call with my other PT. The good news is that we are making progress. I am learning how to walk again and also learning how to pedal, focusing on using my glutes and not my poor adductor. I am also doing a lot of strange exercises that force me to active things in the right order. This is annoying because I want to do big heavy weights where it feels like I am making progress, but instead I practice simple things like rotating on my hip, extending my knee without moving my hip, and contracting my glutes and hamstrings in the right order. I think it is working, though. I have a new plan to start running and swimming again to maintain balance.

I am learning all sorts of things about stabilizers. Now I will be the coach who tells everyone to think about stabilizing before moving, probably to the point where it is annoying. Additionally, I am constantly frustrated by how David, my old coach, has passed away. Every time something doesn't make sense, and especially every time it does make sense, I am left wanting to tell him about it but not being able to. Come back!

-On another note, I have a new job. I no longer work at HSP, but I am now coaching solo. I have also returned to my marketing roots part time, doing marketing for this architecture/engineering firm that does reserve studies for condos. Basically, they are long, complicated reports that outline how much money needs to be saved to make repairs. It is not the most exciting subject matter I have ever worked with, but it kind of markets itself because they are required by law and it is nice to be somewhat intellectually challenged again. I have replaced floor mopping with marketing plan writing. Plus I am still coaching and doing this animation side project thing. Lots going on!

-Also still waiting to hear on grad school. I am thinking I want to focus on more of a human factors/industrial engineering route with this program. It is very flexible, and I like human-centered design concept and the perspective that the program will bring, but I do not want to be a web designer. When in doubt, go the engineering route.