Today I rode my bike for the first time in almost 2 months. I was scared that if it went beyond 2 months, I would not ever touch it again, so I went down into the basement and hopped on the bike for about 12 minutes.
The garage smelled like early season racing. It must have been a combination of rain, grease, rubber, and chamois cream. It's such a powerful smell, full of excitement and speculation about who will be fast and how the season will go. I experienced a weird mix of emotions as a result of this. Excited about what is to come, scared about how the recovery will go/if it will work, angry because the bike is what got me here in the first place, and sad to miss out on the early season or maybe even the whole season. And it reminded me how much I freaking miss riding my bike really, really hard. Using the bike as a rehab tool is incredibly taunting.
I think I may have to switch chamois cream as I embark on this recovery because Sportique brings back too many haunting memories of last year. I didn't even use any, but the smell is just so potent that it lingers in the garage. Interesting, since I just finished reading Jitterbug Perfume. Maybe Sportique is my beet pollen!
Anyway, riding a bike is hard when you can't twist your hip or flex it past 90 degrees. Getting on the bike and unclipping is difficult.
Overall, I think I am getting slightly better. It is still slow, up and down. No one ever articulated what "twisting" means, and it didn't occur to me until a few days ago that I was twisting more than I should have been. I seem to be improving now that I've stopped twisting.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
The World Premier: Kelly: Fall From Grace
I know you have all been waiting for a long time. Well, here it is, the E! True Hollywood Story - Kelly: Fall From Grace. A documentary about the tragic 2009 bike racing season.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Getting Better
Each day is a little bit better. Yesterday, I made it outside and drove all by myself. I figured I would practice since I am going back to work on Monday.
This whole experience has taught me a lot about how I can better interact with other people. I am learning what I would want in a difficult situation, and going forward, I want to make sure that I provide these things for other people. It isn't asking a lot. For example, I hardly know my co-workers at my marketing job, but they all sent me a get well card, signed by everyone. It only took a minute, but it meant a lot to me. I find it odd that more people can't do simple things like this.
People often define themselves by what they do, and they are placed in different boxes accordingly, such as engineer, artist, cyclist, triathlete, etc. I've never felt like I truly fit in any of these boxes. I'm at a point right now where the boxes in which I was placed have been taken away from me, and I am questioning if I even want to get them back. The coldness that I have felt from other people has made me question this even further. Other people probably don't realize how much I am struggling with this whole situation because they are busy, but the things that people say, the light promises they make, turn into great disappointments when they don't follow through with them. I know that most of it is not personal, but it does not have to be this way. In the future, I want to make sure that I am aware of others and how my actions affect them. And I want to truly make an effort, even if it is just a small gesture, to help others when they are in need. Because, really, it makes a big difference. And I will remember those who made an effort.
p.s. I always look at the analytics for the blog and try to figure out who is reading it based on the map overlay, but I often can't figure out who I know in a particular state. It is a fun game to play, though. Lots of WA readers!
p.p.s. E! just called and they want to make a documentary about my fall from grace in the cycling world. Should air soon. Stay posted. (animation in progress)
This whole experience has taught me a lot about how I can better interact with other people. I am learning what I would want in a difficult situation, and going forward, I want to make sure that I provide these things for other people. It isn't asking a lot. For example, I hardly know my co-workers at my marketing job, but they all sent me a get well card, signed by everyone. It only took a minute, but it meant a lot to me. I find it odd that more people can't do simple things like this.
People often define themselves by what they do, and they are placed in different boxes accordingly, such as engineer, artist, cyclist, triathlete, etc. I've never felt like I truly fit in any of these boxes. I'm at a point right now where the boxes in which I was placed have been taken away from me, and I am questioning if I even want to get them back. The coldness that I have felt from other people has made me question this even further. Other people probably don't realize how much I am struggling with this whole situation because they are busy, but the things that people say, the light promises they make, turn into great disappointments when they don't follow through with them. I know that most of it is not personal, but it does not have to be this way. In the future, I want to make sure that I am aware of others and how my actions affect them. And I want to truly make an effort, even if it is just a small gesture, to help others when they are in need. Because, really, it makes a big difference. And I will remember those who made an effort.
p.s. I always look at the analytics for the blog and try to figure out who is reading it based on the map overlay, but I often can't figure out who I know in a particular state. It is a fun game to play, though. Lots of WA readers!
p.p.s. E! just called and they want to make a documentary about my fall from grace in the cycling world. Should air soon. Stay posted. (animation in progress)
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Hard Day
Today has been a hard day. I'm in a bit more pain than yesterday. Not terrible, but more. I think this is just how it goes with this surgery, up and down.
It was also freezing in our house when I woke up. Seattle has been hit by cold weather recently, and I woke up to discover that it was 59 degrees in my house. I turned on our little space heater, put on 2 blankets, a hoodie, a vest, and a coat, but I was still freezing.
Finally I called my landlord. Turned out I had to go into the basement and reset the furnace. The issue with this is that a bunch of bikes are hung up in front of the furnace, so I had to move them in order to access the re-set button. I am not supposed to lift anything, but I managed by putting my weight on the crutches and my other foot. Luckily I only had to move one bike to a different hook. Then I was able to push the bikes aside and open the furnace door just enough to reach the reset button. After a few minutes of silence, the furnace kicked on and it is now a toasty 65.
All of this is very tiring with crutches. I hate to admit it when I need help, but today it would have been really nice. In general, I'm starting to realize that many of these relationships that I've tried to build over the past year don't transcend the context from which they were constructed (bike racing). My interests and goals have changed significantly as a result of this injury, and I'd imagine that drifting away from the bike community is natural as I transition into graduate school and a real career path. It still makes me sort of sad, though.
It was also freezing in our house when I woke up. Seattle has been hit by cold weather recently, and I woke up to discover that it was 59 degrees in my house. I turned on our little space heater, put on 2 blankets, a hoodie, a vest, and a coat, but I was still freezing.
Finally I called my landlord. Turned out I had to go into the basement and reset the furnace. The issue with this is that a bunch of bikes are hung up in front of the furnace, so I had to move them in order to access the re-set button. I am not supposed to lift anything, but I managed by putting my weight on the crutches and my other foot. Luckily I only had to move one bike to a different hook. Then I was able to push the bikes aside and open the furnace door just enough to reach the reset button. After a few minutes of silence, the furnace kicked on and it is now a toasty 65.
All of this is very tiring with crutches. I hate to admit it when I need help, but today it would have been really nice. In general, I'm starting to realize that many of these relationships that I've tried to build over the past year don't transcend the context from which they were constructed (bike racing). My interests and goals have changed significantly as a result of this injury, and I'd imagine that drifting away from the bike community is natural as I transition into graduate school and a real career path. It still makes me sort of sad, though.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Post Op!
Well, I made it to the other side. First of all, thank you everyone for all the well wishes!
I had surgery on Friday, and it went well. They gave me a spinal so I watched the whole thing on the monitor. Normally, watching surgery on my own body part would really freak me out, but with all the drugs, I was pretty dissociated from it. We also had a lot of fun, and we laughed a whole bunch throughout the whole thing.
He found 2 tears, but I don't have specific details on them yet. He also did a little bit of bone reshaping but only a few millimeters. Now it is 3 days after the surgery and I am feeling pretty good! Still moving slowly, but I am off the narcotics (thankfully since they made me dizzy) and I got outside a little bit yesterday. I am not in too much pain, but I still have to be really patient with the recovery. I can't twist my hip for ~6 weeks, which is the most difficult part. Putting on socks is also hard.
My mom came out for the weekend and we stayed at the Four Seasons. I know this sounds really snooty, but it was actually a really great idea because my house is incredibly difficult to navigate. I think this decision sped up my recovery because I didn't have to navigate stairs or narrow hallways. We had fun playing board games and watching movies.
The novelty of crutches still hasn't worn off for me, so I enjoy hobbling around on them and hearing the click click click everywhere I go. My biggest complaint at this point is my sore neck from laying in bed for too long.
Here is a picture from the fire pit/pool area at the hotel. Not so bad!
I had surgery on Friday, and it went well. They gave me a spinal so I watched the whole thing on the monitor. Normally, watching surgery on my own body part would really freak me out, but with all the drugs, I was pretty dissociated from it. We also had a lot of fun, and we laughed a whole bunch throughout the whole thing.
He found 2 tears, but I don't have specific details on them yet. He also did a little bit of bone reshaping but only a few millimeters. Now it is 3 days after the surgery and I am feeling pretty good! Still moving slowly, but I am off the narcotics (thankfully since they made me dizzy) and I got outside a little bit yesterday. I am not in too much pain, but I still have to be really patient with the recovery. I can't twist my hip for ~6 weeks, which is the most difficult part. Putting on socks is also hard.
My mom came out for the weekend and we stayed at the Four Seasons. I know this sounds really snooty, but it was actually a really great idea because my house is incredibly difficult to navigate. I think this decision sped up my recovery because I didn't have to navigate stairs or narrow hallways. We had fun playing board games and watching movies.
The novelty of crutches still hasn't worn off for me, so I enjoy hobbling around on them and hearing the click click click everywhere I go. My biggest complaint at this point is my sore neck from laying in bed for too long.
Here is a picture from the fire pit/pool area at the hotel. Not so bad!
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