la la la la

I am registering for classes, since I'm going back to school in January, and it is intimidating. I had to look up some terms in the course descriptions, and then I had to look up terms in the definitions. Yikes! What am I getting into? Should be challenging at least.

I am excited to start something new. I'm getting sick of the same ol' junk - bikes, training, 3 random jobs, la la la. I've been entertaining thoughts of dusting off the sewing machine again. I may try to make some stockings for our fireplace. I will have a lot of free time since I'm getting hip surgery on Friday. Eek! Just looking forward to being on the other side of this operation.

I've been home in Cleveland since Tuesday. It has been a nice relaxing visit. Thanksgiving was uneventful. Only one person cried, but it was just a partial cry, and only one person choked, but it was only about a 6/10 on a choke scale. Pretty good for our family! We also went to the Cleveland Art Museum, which was really nice. It is only half open now, but it's such a good art museum. I don't like those headsets that people walk around with, though. Do you really have to turn the volume up all the way so everyone in the room can hear it? I'd like to read the descriptions, thanks!

I miss Cleveland sometimes. I feel like people in the midwest are more humble, and I don't think many Seattle people realize how good they have it.

I'm excited that it is Christmas time. I love Christmas time, and I get to make Erin watch all three of the Santa Clause movies with me! I never get sick of them. Isn't he lucky?

More Thoughts

As I'm getting further into Born to Run and researching barefoot running in general, it seems like people are missing a key point.  This isn't a new concept, and people are missing the bridge between barefoot running and shoe running: progressive overload.  

I don't think it has anything to do with shoes, really.  Well, no, what I mean is that you can run differently with the shoes you have.  People have talked for a long time about the Pose method of running, and while that is still somewhat controversial, I think we can agree that running on your toes/midfoot is much closer to barefoot running than a heel strike gait.  And that focusing on "falling" with your feet under your center of gravity is more efficient than throwing yourself forward.   I guess I can't speak for the world, but I know I got a heck of a lot faster and more efficient when I changed the way I ran.  Anyone who's looked at ground reaction force data knows that a heel strike creates a significant impact peak and that if you run on the midfoot, this peak is reduced.  It's gotta be absorbed somewhere else, but it seems to me that absorbing the impact by bending the knees, ankles, and hips is a better alternative than sending it shooting through the leg.  

It's interesting reading this debate because you read about the barefoot runners who swear by it and then you read about the old school heel strikers who think it's a bunch of baloney and say everyone gets hurt (yes, I said baloney).  They are ignoring the key concept of training: progressive overload.  You can't just go out and run 10 miles barefoot after you've been running in motion control shoes your whole life.  Similarly, you can't just go out and run on your toes for 10 miles.  You have to do it gradually.  It's like the people who got out of the World War II concentration camps and died because they ate too much.  Same concept, but no one talks about it.  

I hear you saying, "but Kelly, you get injured all the time.  How can you say that running on your toes is better?"  I think most of my issues come from weak hip flexors.  I've strained them so many times I lost count, and when you run on your toes, your hip flexors become essentially a spring.   Plus I think that a midfoot strike is the ideal compromise.  I am curious to experiment more with this whole concept, that if I strengthen my hip flexors and gradually start running again, maybe I can do it pain free.  It feels so far away, though, with hip surgery and all.  Oh how I want to go running.

A Thought

I thought for awhile that bike racing was a thing of the past, that it was time to move on from being an athlete.  But when I overhear people talking about threshold watts and specific races, it really tugs at my competitive ropes.  I'm just not sure that I can give it all up yet.  

I have been reading Born to Run, and this really struck me:  

"There are two goddesses in your heart.  The Goddess of Wisdom and the Goddess of Wealth.  Everyone thinks they need to get wealth first, and wisdom will come.  So they concern themselves with chasing money.  But they have it backwards.  You have to give your heart to the Goddess of Wisdom, give her all your love and attention, and the Goddess of Wealth will become jealous and follow you.  Ask nothing from your running, in other words, and you will get more than you ever imagined."  And then it proceeds to talk about how the secret to running success is love - running because you love it.  

First of all, this book is dangerous for me to read right now because it really makes me want to go running.  I miss running, but that is another story.  Last year I spent a lot of time worrying about watts and numbers and placings, and it's becoming clear to me that this mindset is all wrong.  Unfortunately, it is an easy trap to fall into when everyone around you is blabbing about numbers and training programs.  When I look back to 2008, I did really well on not much training at all, probably because I was just having fun with it and going wherever it took me.   I've made this mistake a number of times before - the more I focus on a sport, the worse I do, but it's always been tricky for me to balance these thoughts and motivations.

As the date of my hip surgery approaches (Dec 4th! Eek!), I'm contemplating more and more how I will get back on the bike and in what direction.  Maybe I don't have to think about it.  Maybe I should just ride because I like to, when I want to, and leave it at that.  Maybe it's time to turn off the powertap and just tune into how I feel.  I know I will be fast again (this is obviously a relative term), but does it really matter how high my threshold power is?  Does that really mean anything anyway?  

Some days are good, some days are bad

Today is good, but for some reason, I tend to only write on the bad days.

Today I am looking into creating an LLC because my little coaching business keeps growing. Sometimes I wonder why people ask me to coach them. I guess I am used to undermining my experience and talent, but if I were to guess, these are the reasons why they ask: I am nice, I listen, I am honest, and people get faster. I have a degree in the field, I worked in a biomechanics lab for 3 years, and I have several certifications here and there, but that doesn't automatically get you business.

I don't know everything, and I'm not the most experienced bike racer, nor do I claim to be, but I also don't think that athletes should get all their information from one person. It is important to create a team of support to gather knowledge and to grow in the sport. They really emphasize this at the Olympic Training Center. That is why you have teammates, physical therapists, sports psychologists, and all other sorts of informed people.

Surgery is scheduled for Dec 4th. I am ready to move forward and see how I can change my relationship with bike racing. I've had my time trying to be the best, and maybe that isn't meant to be, but I will still be involved with the sport in trying to help others. That is exciting.

On another note, please, please practice your balance exercises! It is scary what I see at the gym. In another post, I will add more specifics about what you can do. It is pretty cool to see how quickly people can improve their balance.

Big Step

Generally, when I am confronted about the things that I write in blogs, I retract my statements and apologize.  I am finally learning to stand up for myself and stand by what I think and feel.  I choose my words very carefully, but I have always had trouble with how I am perceived, and when called out on it, I tend to play the victim.  Not this time!  This is a huge step for me, and I feel so relieved.  

This is MY struggle, through MY hip surgery, and I am allowed to feel angry, sad, and scared.  I am allowed to replay the events of the past and come to terms with what has happened.   It is a process, and once it is complete, these feelings will be gone, but for now, it is real, and it is something I face every single day.   

I do not blame anyone for what has happened, but there are still thoughts and experiences that I have to work through to answer why this happened and how to prevent it from happening again.  

I am just a broken athlete trying to pick up the pieces.

A Diagnosis

Well, I finally got a diagnosis for my hip.  It is indeed a labral tear.  Because the conservative treatment (physical therapy, loads of ibuprofen, rest) did not help, surgery appears to be the only way to fix it.

I haven't completely made a decision on this yet.  The surgery is risky because sometimes it doesn't work and sometimes people are worse after.  The doctor said there is an 85% success rate.  I'd like to hope that youth is on my side, and I can't find anything negative about this particular doctor, but I am scared.  At this point, it seems like my options are to either quit being an active person indefinitely or get surgery.  I guess I can't really get too much worse; now I have trouble with basic things like walking and sitting at work, and activities like swimming and cycling seem like a dream.  If it isn't successful, it's unlikely that I'll be worse off. 

I have the feeling that whether or not it is successful, my days as a highly competitive athlete are numbered, if not up.  I base this thought mostly off of the number of injuries I've had in the past, but this one really trumps them all, and this time it really feels like my time is up.  I really screwed up this time by following bad advice and training too much despite knowing better.  I'm trying not to blame myself or others for this, but it is a slow process.  I still may be able to race occasionally, but not like before and probably not at a super high level, mostly because I don't want to do this to myself again.  I don't want a walker when I'm 60.   I just want to be able to go on a hike or maybe go for a swim.  Maybe it will be good for me to focus on something other than winning and performance, such as helping others win.  

The other option is to pull the plug on being an athlete now and see how my hip responds.  But I did pull the plug on competition in May, and it has since gotten worse during my attempt to just be a normal, active person.  I feel like I am up a proverbial creek.