In the last few months, it finally took a turn for the better. My hip still flares up occasionally if I over-do it, but it settles down faster, and I can do a lot more without any problems. Even squat jumps! The daunting task of regaining fitness still lies ahead, and that will be another long road, but there is hope, and with hope, I can continue to persist through it.
There were many times in the last few years when I thought my days of racing bikes were a thing of the past, but for some reason, I just kept on going, and right when I was thinking "F this bike racing crap," things got better. Go figure.
Now I have my eyes focused on the track for my return to racing, and when I was commuting home from work yesterday, I finally felt the racing fire. This is an important moment in recovery from an injury: when the perspective shifts from the reactive "I don't want to crash or go too hard" to the proactive "pounce on what's ahead and settle in on the pain." It's that moment in training when your eyes squint slightly, you start to bury yourself, and you can visualize breaking away on the bell lap.
It's also been a long process of moving past the sadness, anger, and resentment that I had towards my injury and all that surrounded it. I think this is a natural part of recovering from something for so long, but this has also gotten better, and now I want to race just for the sake of racing.
I don't really have any specific goals for this year. My plan is to do some track racing and some rowing and see what happens. My motivation is to race aggressively, move up to Friday nights, and make people in the beer garden smile. In collaboration with my team, I want to put on a good show. And just race.
The competitive spirit may go dormant, but it never dies.
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