Well, this season has been interesting, to say the least. I did a handful of road races, including Walla Walla, where I got my ass kicked for 4 straight stages. By the 4th stage, I'd had enough, so I stopped... and I haven't had any desire to do a road race since.
I DID do a mountain bike race! Which is pretty impressive if you know my history of mountain biking. You can read my report here on my team website.
Anyway, I'm getting married in 2 months, and the whole wedding process, in addition to several years of battling injury, has been a reflective process. My perspective has definitely changed, and I'm not sure that I fit in with the roadie world anymore. Perhaps next year, things will be calmer and I'll find my place in it again, but I'm not so sure.
It's a few things, really:
First, my recovery process took FOREVER and it was a complete brawl to get through. The whole experience of almost making it, getting injured, and losing everything including my job, circle of friends, and purpose was pretty difficult to work through. It took me a few years to get my general life confidence back and even longer to get myself un-broken. Once I got back in the races this year, it just didn't feel worth it. I lost way more than bike racing gave me, and I just don't have the fight in me anymore to risk it again.
Second, I've lost quite a bit of competitiveness in this process because I've realized that having good results hasn't ever brought me much satisfaction in life. I care more about hanging out with my friends and riding my bike outside, and sometimes I get sick of paying money for that.
Third, back to the thing about results not giving me much benefit in overall life. This wedding process has been a reflective time. When I think about my four awesome bridesmaids, none of them are serious athletes, and Erin isn't either. The most valuable relationships in my life are not from my most competitive years. So that got me thinking that maybe focusing so hard on results isn't so good for me. I haven't quite figured out how to balance competitiveness with fun.
Anyway, life is pretty good right now, so I have no complaints. I'm happy that I'm taking a step back on my own terms. Maybe I'll come back again next year and maybe I wont, but this time, it's MY choice, and that makes it a lot better.
I DID do a mountain bike race! Which is pretty impressive if you know my history of mountain biking. You can read my report here on my team website.
Anyway, I'm getting married in 2 months, and the whole wedding process, in addition to several years of battling injury, has been a reflective process. My perspective has definitely changed, and I'm not sure that I fit in with the roadie world anymore. Perhaps next year, things will be calmer and I'll find my place in it again, but I'm not so sure.
It's a few things, really:
First, my recovery process took FOREVER and it was a complete brawl to get through. The whole experience of almost making it, getting injured, and losing everything including my job, circle of friends, and purpose was pretty difficult to work through. It took me a few years to get my general life confidence back and even longer to get myself un-broken. Once I got back in the races this year, it just didn't feel worth it. I lost way more than bike racing gave me, and I just don't have the fight in me anymore to risk it again.
Second, I've lost quite a bit of competitiveness in this process because I've realized that having good results hasn't ever brought me much satisfaction in life. I care more about hanging out with my friends and riding my bike outside, and sometimes I get sick of paying money for that.
Third, back to the thing about results not giving me much benefit in overall life. This wedding process has been a reflective time. When I think about my four awesome bridesmaids, none of them are serious athletes, and Erin isn't either. The most valuable relationships in my life are not from my most competitive years. So that got me thinking that maybe focusing so hard on results isn't so good for me. I haven't quite figured out how to balance competitiveness with fun.
Anyway, life is pretty good right now, so I have no complaints. I'm happy that I'm taking a step back on my own terms. Maybe I'll come back again next year and maybe I wont, but this time, it's MY choice, and that makes it a lot better.
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