Reflections on the last 1.5 years

Now that I have some semblance of a future, I am starting to reflect on the recent past.  I couldn't have imagined all the things that happened to me since graduating from Michigan, and it has been an enlightening experience.  I've learned to make smart decisions about my future.  I've learned that I never want to apply for a job through craigslist again.  I am so glad that I did not go straight to graduate school because these experiences provided me with a truly unique perspective that I would not have otherwise:

-The Startup.  It took awhile for the bitterness to wear off, but finally, about 3 months after the layoff, I began looking back at this experience fondly.  I know I will be back at a startup someday, as I really miss working at a place that came home with me every night.  I miss the gritty, risky, get-your-hands-dirty nature.  I miss being a part of something and feeling truly committed to what I am doing.

-The Layoff.  I always thought I would be exempt from these things.  I am smart, well-educated, had outstanding grades, and I work really hard.  But so do a lot of people.  And in many cases, that doesn't matter.  A lot of getting laid off is pure bad luck, and this taught me to make smarter decisions about my career path and to be understanding of other people's situations.  Learn a skill.   Shed a tear for the state of Michigan.

-The Pro Bike Racer Thing.  I chuckled re-reading my personal statement: "After my layoff, I spent the rest of the year attempting to become a professional bicycle racer."  In this chapter, I justified mopping floors and being broke in the name of bike racing.  What I didn't realize at the beginning, though, was that I would really miss being challenged.   I also learned some really sad things about human character.  It was shocking to see how quickly people gave up on me after my injury.  That is ok, though, because it forced me to not give up on myself.  

-The Work 4 Jobs and Go It Alone Thing.  This last chunk has also been interesting.   I'm learning that I am talented, that I can be a good coach, and that I am qualified to do marketing and personal training.  I can build a small coaching business on my own, and I can do better than I did at an established company.  I can't let other people shatter my confidence and hold me back from reaching my potential.  I can be many things and still be good at them.   I became a coach because it is something that I love to do, and it doesn't have to be more than that.  I am a better coach/personal trainer if it is a hobby, not a full-time profession, because I am not limited by finances.  I can lower rates, access more clients, and truly help people, which is why I do it. 

This has all been a lesson in accepting things that I cannot control.  I am trying to accept these experiences for what they were without dwelling on the negative aspects of them.  Now that I have defined things to look forward to, this is much easier.

Back to School!

I received an acceptance letter today for U of Washington's program in Human Centered Design and Engineering. I am starting in January, and I am excited.

Although there is great potential for this to change, the plan is to incorporate the HCDE concepts (usability, interface design, human factors, etc) with my background in movement science to improve interfaces in healthcare and healthy living. This, in my opinion, is a very exciting application of the field for a few reasons:

1. Persuasive Technologies. If websites, mobile devices and interfaces are going to motivate people to be healthy, they have to be really persuasive. So far, I haven't really found a single interface relating to coaching that is persuasive and enjoyable to interact with. I've tried Training Peaks, Workout Log, and everything in between, but all of them are missing that persuasive factor, or the ability to engage users. Thus, I have to bug people constantly to update training peaks.

2. Culturally Sensitive Care. This applies mostly to healthcare. Definitions of sickness and health are very different across cultures (Read The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down). Misunderstanding these differences can be very destructive to a patient's care, which is why it's important that any healthcare interface that the patient may see is sensitive to these factors. This applies to design of the office, how sensitive materials are presented, and explanations of disease (you know, those handouts they give you on what your injury or sickness is). The HCDE program is really focused on the user, and this is especially important here.

Don't even get me started on the terrible interfaces I deal with on a daily basis, such as everything made by Powertap.

I need to do more thinking to figure out exactly what direction I want to go with this. The program is broad, so I have to narrow my focus on something. Usability, instructional design, interface design, and human factors are the most interesting to me.

Erin is on a military boat with my dad until tomorrow night with no way to contact him. It is weird finding out this news when I can't tell him or celebrate with him.

In other news, my hip still hurts and I am still waiting to see the doctor.

To be a fish at the zoo

This must be what it is like to be a fish in a tank at the zoo. All those signs that say "do not tap the glass!" but the little kids just keep tapping away with their snotty fingers. Tap tap tap.

I am home sick with the flu, but due to an unfortunate scheduling conflict, I got sick the same day that the painters are scraping away at the windows. They are preparing to paint them. Our side of the duplex is small, and you can't really get away from the windows. There are 3 people scraping on the windows, on different sides of the building. Tap tap scrape scrape I feel surounded.

Poor fishy. Never tap on that glass.

Around and Around

I've been injured many times, but never quite like this. This one cuts and nags and pierces (metaphorically). I don't mean to be whiny; I am just contemplating my options.

I was doing better, but last week I took about 20 steps backwards, and I'm back to the beginning. Pain at rest, pain while riding, pain while standing. It isn't terrible, in fact, it's not bad at all, but I've been down this road too many times, and any pain is not good.

The question is: what is next? I was only riding 3-4 days per week, no more than 6 hours total at mostly endurance watts. What would happen if I tried to race? Or train so I can get to the level where I can race? If I get over this, will it just be something else? It's been a constant battle for me in my whole athletic history. Build it up. It breaks back down. All along, my body has been saying no no no but my determined brain says yes yes yes. Maybe it is time for that brain to focus on something else. I need to find a balance, but I don't know how. I'm either unmotivated, or I want to be a top level pro. There has never been an in-between for me.

I preach this everyday, that health trumps everything. It's above competition, the bike, everything. Maybe it's time I listen to what I tell others. I think it needs more time. Lots of time.

Some might call this the athlete grieving process. I call it bitterness.

They say that athletes go through a grieving process in the face of injuries or things that sideline them from racing for extensive periods of time. Initially, I did not have this feeling. At the time I got injured, I was so burnt out from being a bike racer all the time, through work and training, that I didn't miss it at all. Watching races didn't give me that ache in my heart, that oh how I would die to be out there feeling. I didn't really miss it at all until August.

Now that the season is over and I am finally crawling my way back from the depths of hell, I am feeling that sting. I am feeling bitter. Bitter about the way things turned out. Bitter for not paying closer to attention and standing up for myself when I knew I was right. Just straight up bitter.

I am in a much better place right now. I am healthy, riding, running, and swimming. I am getting strong again. I have more clients, 2 new part time jobs, and some other ongoing projects. I can still be a bike racer and help other people become bike racers, but I don't have to be just a bike racer. Things are looking up, but I am still bitter. Bitter about what was lost, bitter about how I was going so good and I blew it.

I think that this bitterness is a good sign, though. My competitive spirit has been rekindled, and bitterness is part of the process as I claw my way back to the peloton. It should have happened months ago.

As everyone else takes a break, I am trying to reassemble the pieces. I am plotting my new plan of attack to ensure that this does not happen again. I am certain that this bitterness will soon turn into pure motivation. And hopefully speed.

Personal Training Interviews are like Video Games

First, there is the certification process. Let's call this level 1. Here, you have to pay a bunch of money to take a test that confirms all you have learned in college. If you take the better test, the CSCS one, it is like getting a cheat code and it makes the rest of the process a lot easier.

Level 2 is the initial interview. Here they ask you really basic questions like what would you do if your client has high blood pressure? or what kind of program would you prescribe for a 40 year old woman? Pretty simple. I said level 1 had a cheat because it is really easy to get an interview if you have the CSCS and a degree in the field and a small amount of experience.

Level 3 is preparing for the second interview. Oh, surprise! We didn't mention this at the first one, but yep, there is a second. You said you knew how to take blood pressure and do body fat testing, so we will have you do that plus an hour personal training session. Since you haven't done this stuff in 3 years, you worry and write some notes down from your textbook hoping the SWAG equation works (scientific wild ass guess).

Level 4 is the moments prior to the interview where you scramble around the facility trying to figure out where everything is.

Level 5 is the initial consultation. Here you may do a few things wrong like do the body fat testing before the blood pressure. You are relieved when your knowledge doesn't fail you and you successfully complete the tasks. You also ask a lot of questions.

Level 6 is the actual training session. Here you wonder if they will throw tricks at you like make the person fall down or get hurt. Luckily, they don't do this, and you progress through the level without too much difficulty except that the actual program doesn't take as long as you thought it would so you spend some time stretching at the end.

Level 7 is the feedback. The person who observed you says what you did right and what you did wrong.

If you did it right, they might say something like "we want to bring you on board" and you feel like you have reached the end of a video game which cues the happy music starts and the 1 minute montage of the video game character grabbing the golden key on top of the castle.

Changing Changes

I guess it has been awhile since I have last updated.

Here is the skinny:

-The injury saga continues. Last week, my physical therapy session involved a conference call with my other PT. The good news is that we are making progress. I am learning how to walk again and also learning how to pedal, focusing on using my glutes and not my poor adductor. I am also doing a lot of strange exercises that force me to active things in the right order. This is annoying because I want to do big heavy weights where it feels like I am making progress, but instead I practice simple things like rotating on my hip, extending my knee without moving my hip, and contracting my glutes and hamstrings in the right order. I think it is working, though. I have a new plan to start running and swimming again to maintain balance.

I am learning all sorts of things about stabilizers. Now I will be the coach who tells everyone to think about stabilizing before moving, probably to the point where it is annoying. Additionally, I am constantly frustrated by how David, my old coach, has passed away. Every time something doesn't make sense, and especially every time it does make sense, I am left wanting to tell him about it but not being able to. Come back!

-On another note, I have a new job. I no longer work at HSP, but I am now coaching solo. I have also returned to my marketing roots part time, doing marketing for this architecture/engineering firm that does reserve studies for condos. Basically, they are long, complicated reports that outline how much money needs to be saved to make repairs. It is not the most exciting subject matter I have ever worked with, but it kind of markets itself because they are required by law and it is nice to be somewhat intellectually challenged again. I have replaced floor mopping with marketing plan writing. Plus I am still coaching and doing this animation side project thing. Lots going on!

-Also still waiting to hear on grad school. I am thinking I want to focus on more of a human factors/industrial engineering route with this program. It is very flexible, and I like human-centered design concept and the perspective that the program will bring, but I do not want to be a web designer. When in doubt, go the engineering route.